i got a phone call yesterday informing me of some changes going on on the other wide of the world. some changes that involve my family. this phone call has me feeling that i am supposed to say 'yes' once again to what God is asking me to do. and today 'yes' is a much harder word to say than 'no'.
i'm overwhelmed. i'm scared. it would force me to rely completely on my faith. and it wouldn't just be changing my life, it would be changing 6.
i can't think of anything more important that i could do with my time on earth, but i'm finding that importance can be a heavy load to carry. i promise to share more as soon as i can. until then, if you're the praying kind would you mind throwing a few up for the 6 of us?
welcome to the second installment of "i can't make this s*#t up". you first met this series here and, i'm certain, have been eagerly awaiting it's follow up. i know i have (heavy sarcasm, like super heavy).
girl goes to the beach. she's standing in perfect 90 degree weather. the kind of 90 degree weather where there is just the right amount of breeze. a giant yellow sun is hanging directly overhead in the sky against a bold blue backdrop. calm waves are rocking her back and forth and she stands in the waist high water, letting her toes sink in to the buttery white sand beneath. there are children laughing off in the distance. the girl is thanking her lucky stars for a day so amazing and wondering if she can capture the moment's perfectness (it's a word if i want it to be one) in a voice memo, sell it to apple, have it become the world's best selling sound machine app, make millions, retire to this very same spot and live in this perfectness (see how well that works there?) forever.
sounds pretty nice, right?
it came from out of nowhere (this is also what i told my parents in regards to the other cars involved in a series of fender benders that i caused in high school). all i really remember of the giant kelly slater worthy wave that is to blame for this story is how hard it hit me upside the head. it slapped me. ike turner style. as i regained my balance, composure, and grip on the sunglasses that were nearly knocked off of my face i couldn't help but notice that something felt different. i was in the presence of a freedom that wasn't there before that wave and i met. and then, there it was. the startling realization that my right... ahem... chest biscuit had popped out of it's home in my single strap bathing suit top and decided, without my permission, to introduce itself to watercolor beach. yep. let that sink in for a second. right chest biscuit. open air. public and nude un-friendly beach. for about 4 and half minutes (megan time, real time was more like 3 seconds). it is not necessarily of importance to note that after a couple of days in the sun my newly formed tan lines really emphasized my glowing white and free flying chest biscuit, but it really does add nice detail to the story... don't you think? oh yeah. so hot.
"so, did everyone on the beach see????" you ask, mortified for me yet again. nope. better. well, better for the story anyway. my sole spectator was a roughly 12 year old boy who is going to have to get his jaw wired shut after how hard it hit the sand. his mouth was open so wide that i'm pretty sure i saw his tonsils. i rapidly reassembled myself, gave him a little 'i'm sorry but you're kind of welcome' wave and high tailed it outta there before he could point out to his parents who it was that just showed him his first mammary gland in the wild.
anyone have a contact in J.Crew's swimsuit customer support... er, lack of support? holla at a girl.
i woke up this morning to a biscuit. slathered in butter. that i didn't have to cook. on a paper plate that i can throw away and don't have to wash. things are looking up.
today i am grateful for the responsibility given to me. i am grateful for it no matter how heavy it may be because it means that i am carrying something important. i wanted a life that mattered and i got one. and i am thankful for it. the end.
i didn't get to skype with g&g today because the orphanage didn't have an internet connection. that means i'm at three whole weeks of not seeing or speaking to the babies. that also means that by the time next tuesday rolls around it will have been a solid month since we have skyped. not cool, orphanage. not cool.
i had a mini meltdown this afternoon. instead of being grateful for all of the times that a third world country has had an internet connection that's allowed me to see my kiddos i pouted over the small handful of times that they didn't. instead of being grateful that i will be on a plane to see the twins three weeks from tomorrow i teared up over a mom that was picking out a book with her daughter in a bookstore. instead of giving myself a pep talk that included phrases like "pull it together, soldier!" and "that kid was bratty you wouldn't want them anyway" i leaned against a shelf in the history section, where i obviously stood the best chance of not being seen by another human being because history books are b-o-r-i-n-g and very few people want to read them much less buy them, and cried.
it wasn't my finest moment. it wasn't the best i've felt in awhile. it didn't make me proud of myself.
but it was honest. and i needed to let it out.
so here goes...
today i am sick of looking at families with their kids and i'm sick of feeling the responsibility to either help raise $35,000 or feel the burden of 96 kids again being without a home or family (can't even begin to talk about this one today, will get to this nasty road block tomorrow) and i'm sick of not being able to buy my kids anything because i don't know if they'll be too old to play that certain game or read that certain book by the time they are officially mine and i'm sick of this new important life and miss my old selfish one and i really really really miss shopping and spending silly amounts of money on myself and my closet and my god i need a pedicure before the bottoms of my feet scrape through my flip flops and i'm sick and damn tired of being the kind of girl who just cries in bookstores at the beach. (oh yeah, at the beach. because only i could stand in the middle of paradise and whine about my life being so rough)
i, seeking sympathy, texted an adoptive mom-in-waiting friend of mine who told me that yesterday at 1:30pm she ordered a whole papa john's pizza, answered the door in her robe, and devoured it in bed by herself.
it made me feel better. and jealous. but mostly better. but i love pizza. but better...
days like today are exactly why we shouldn't judge people by single encounters with or stories about them (right? please say yes and cue the full house danny tanner 27 minutes into the episode hug music).
today is june 12th and i am just now catching my breath from may. that lil' month had me traveling all over the country this year and i loved every minute of it.
what: key west songwriter's festival
why: because we songwriters have really hard jobs and need to get away every now and then (lie)
what really happened: i played a one hour show during the course of a 5 day vacation
what: mother's day
why: because it was my first (sort of) one
what really happened: ol' fashioned southern overeating
what: asheville, north carolina writer's retreat
why: because i have reeeaaaaally generous friends
what really happened: guitar time, wine, food, wine, great songs, wine, wine wine wine
what: southern california
why: my boyfriend booked one of his artists at the ranch and YOU MUST GO THERE ONE DAY
what really happened: country music in california, two stepping, one of the best meals of my life that sent my inner fat kid to foodie heaven, new friends, a much too short visit with an old friend, brunch on the beach, and even more wine than north carolina
the in between: surprise wedding fun, ascap at night, mister darlin snuggle, bgv's at rachel loy's cd release party, jameson ep release also known as the most fun ever.
i slept through my skype visit with the babies this morning. right through it. entirely. like, missed it by half an hour right through it.
most moms are responsible for thousands of percentages of time more with their kids than the 20 minutes i am responsible for mine each week. most moms probably make their kids delicious and nutritious homemade lunches to take with them to school in eco friendly and adorable lunch boxes from pottery barn kids with their initials perfectly monogrammed on the side so as not to mix it up with the other amazing mom's kids eco friendly and adorable lunchboxes. most moms probably cut the crusts off of their kids hummus and turkey sandwiches (because their kids scoff at peanut butter and jelly and would trade a little debbie for an apple any day) with heart shaped cookie cutters and leave encouraging go-get-'em-tiger love notes on recycled paper tucked neatly underneath an organic apple juice box from whole foods that cost $7. most moms probably do all of this while lunging across the kitchen to ward off early stages of a sagging rear end while waking up and dressing their children while kissing their husbands goodbye while washing their hair (which i haven't done in 3 days but that's besides the point and not uncommon) while founding, developing and chairing a non profit organization that helps educate and empower dead weight moms like me.
not that i'm being hard on myself.
glass half empty? i have only seen my sweet babies once this month due to sierra leone's raining season beginning and interrupting their internet connection... and my sleeping habits. i miss them terribly.
glass half full? i'm not the mom who smokes in the car with the windows up while her babies are in the backseat rolling around because no one bothered to buckle them in.
you win some, you sleep through some.
mommy's sorry. it won't happen again (fingers crossed).
so I'm in a band. JAMESON. with some of my best friends. who happen to be the most incredible musicians. our EP release show is tonight. we wrote it together. we cut it together. we have group text chains that would be worth staying in the band to read even if the music was awful.
yesterday when we were rehearsing i looked around at everyone and thought that this must be what disney world feels like to a kid. but I'm not visiting. i get to live in the dang castle. i can't believe that i get to make a living doing something that i love this much.
we want to share the love. download our new ep, "the doctor's in", for FREE.
so i have this friend named morgane. she is beautiful. she sings her butt off. she writes incredible songs. she cooks a mean 3am t-bone. she sends the sweetest monday evening texts wishing me a happy-skyping-eve. she also happens to be an incredible mother to two of the most beautiful and perfect children on the face of the earth.
her son, wayland, is 3 years old and calls me 'miss darlin'. seriously. he came up with that on his own. wayland, we have already decided, will be gerald's best friend. they will be in a band (duh) and it will be called panda because they are black and white (duh) and that is just plain cute i don't care who you are. anyway, i was over at their house the other day and wayland saw a picture of gerald and geraldine on the wallpaper of my computer (duh). i pulled him up on to my lap and, pointing at them individually, asked him to tell me their names. here's how the conversation went:
me: "way, who is this?"
me: "and who is this?"
wayland: "and deen."
AND DEEN. how stinkin' precious is that??? i looked over at morgane and told her that her son might have just named my daughter.
this, of course, brought up a big question. how exactly does one spell 'deen'? is it 'dine', just like the end of her name but that everyone would mispronounce as if they were about to sit down to eat for the rest of her life? or is it 'dean' as in james? or is it a more feminine 'deen' like wayland's aunt meesa suggested?
i decided that since wayland picked her name he should be the one to spell it. this did not come easy for sweet mr. darlin. turns out, there is a lot of pressure in picking the spelling of a name.
so, mr. darlin took some time... and i got the following video text from morgane this week.
'deen' it is. gerald and deen. forever and ever amen.
anyone in need of a good, soul cleansing cry today? watch this:
my super dee duper (how do you spell duper? dooper, maybe?) inspiring friend, zac koffler is running the music city marathon tomorrow. and when i say running i mean PUSHING 2 CHILDREN IN WHEELCHAIRS FOR 26.2 MILES. i, on the other hand, will be cheering him on with a giant cup of coffee and a donut in hand.
zac founded the run, walk, wheel and roll initiative in 2010 and has since raised over $50,000 for a variety of programs benefitting children with physical disabilities. he is also making my be-a-good-human efforts look embarrassing. i need to step up my game. i'm open to suggestions...
please take a few minutes to watch the video. i promise you the hope it breathes into your heart will be worth it. if you feel moved to give you are welcome and encouraged to do so here. so much easier than pushing 50lbs while running a marathon, no?
hey... so... ummm... i got the following e-mail this week:
As all of you are aware, there has been an adoption ban in Sierra Leone since 2009. The ban was put into place until the adoption scandal involving the organization HANCI could be properly investigated with conclusions and recommendations. The findings from the investigation have been released with the accepted recommendations from the Sierra Leone government. TRS currently has a full copy of the report and is reviewing the contents.
It is currently being reported that the adoption ban has officially been lifted
although, we still have many questions with regard to how adoptions will look moving forward. The government has not made any statements with regard to allowing current adoption cases to go to court under the current law while they are passing the new adoption law through Parliament. It is possible that cases will not be heard in court until the new law is passed.
the adoption ban has officially been lifted.
those are 7 life changing words, my friends. a simple 'wahoo' will not suffice. since i found out it has really been more of a 'holy-shhhhh-it-is-going-to-be-amazing-i-am-so-excited-oh-no-i-need-to-get-three-more-jobs-i-wonder-what-kind-of-bath-toys-they-like-is-it-too-early-to-start-stocking-their-closets-oooh-i-should-finally-set-up-apple-tv-because-it's-been-in-the-box-for-months-and-we-could-snuggle-up-for-so-many-movies-they'd-better-like-disney-because-i-haven't-seen-the-little-mermaid-in-forvever-i-wonder-if-i-still-know-all-of-the-words-where-is-my-old-cabbage-patch-sleeping-bag-it-would-be-vintage-by-now-oh-god-daycare.'
today is the day. today is the day i can finally talk about these beautiful, perfect little nuggets i've been posting about. remember when i said it was bigger than country music award show hair? i bet you're gonna believe me...
one night in october i couldn't sleep so i spent the night online researching different orphanages in africa that i could volunteer at. the next day i had lunch with my bestie, melissa spillman. turns out she too had africa on the brain. the day before she had lunch with 2 women from spring hill, tennessee who founded an organization called the raining season (TRS) that runs an orphanage called 'the covering' in sierra leone, west africa. melissa asked if i would be interested in taking a trip to the orphanage with her someday. i cried in my greek salad and said yes.
fast forward a few months and i am now a mother to twin two year olds that were taken in by the covering. yep. read that again. mother. to. twin. two. year. olds. due to the atrocities of human trafficking there has been an adoption ban in sierra leone since 2009. this means that in the foreseeable future none of the children at the center will be placed in permanent homes. to counteract this TRS started the forever family initiative. a forever family is matched with each child/sibling group to provide emotional, spiritual and financial help to these kids for the rest of their lives. we are, essentially, a family that just doesn't live together. we skype weekly. i can visit the center as much as i like but am required to visit at least once a year. and i have every intention of bringing my sweet babies to live with me the very moment that ugly adoption ban goes away.
i'd like to introduce you to my favorite little nuggets. meet gerald and geraldine :)
so, i am a mother to twin two year olds. if that doesn't produce an instant anxiety attack i don't know what will. but the steady anxiety attacks have given way to heart bursting amounts of excitement that are only occasionally sprinkled with anxiety filled moments. and the anxiety filled moments have given way to tremendously overwhelming periods of faith. and the periods of faith have shown me what it feels like to be a follower of God. and it turns out being a follower is the biggest, bestest, most awesomely powerful thing that i have ever experienced. turns out... i like what i look like as a follower. i like what it feels like to say yes with my whole, terrified heart.
i have an entire box of clothes sitting in my office that i will bring with me when i travel to see them in july. i spend nights scouring blogs of anyone who has ever taken a trip to the center in search of baby pictures of g&g. i have been known to watch a 7 second video of gerald waving for 45 minutes straight. my mom put their faces on a coffee mug. my dad adds every tuesday's "best of" skype photo to his screensaver at work. they call me mommy. i call them little man and baby girl. they are mine. i am theirs. we are a family.
i have been in bed for 2 days with the flu. well, i thought it was the flu. turns out it was strep throat. strep throat that came with a fever, chills, achy joints, and one helluva (minnesota word) sore throat. in the past 48 hours i've slept through 46,037 of them (megan time, real time was probably 35).
i spent my few conscious hours catching up on some vintage flicks/tv shows. roxanne, seven year itch, the wonder years, and about last night were all calling my name.
she is gorgeous. she has a gigantic heart. she likes over sized sweaters. she has hair worth mentioning. she has a knack for finding treasures at goodwill. she will pray for you when you are anxious. she will take travel mugs full of wine to opryland hotel with you to sit on santa's lap because you don't have a picture of you doing so from when you were little and everyone needs a picture of them on santa's lap.
she is the best. and she is back.
365 days of country music. you will love this blog. gobs of country music goodness. oh, and i made a guest appearance this week.
my annoyingly gorgeous, unbelievably thoughtful, overly generous, gigantic hearted, super talented, good hair rocking, oversized sweater wearing friend, meesa, gave me the sweetest gift this weekend: cards for the babies. their very first cards, in fact.
what's the deal with these babies i keep talking about, you ask? well i STILL can't write about them here and it's driving me crazy. so until i can actually talk about them i will continue to keep writing about them without really writing about them. it's cheaper than therapy. deal with it.
we had a big weekend, those babies and me.
and i'm talking BIG weekend.
like bigger than dinosaurs big.
bigger than country music award show hair big.
until i can share i leave you with their first cards... thank you, mees.
we wrote and recorded the whole project in a weekend. our first show is this tuesday. we had a photoshoot with the amazing melissa schipper. it's happening and all signs point to legit.
these kids are some of my best friends and are, without a doubt, the most talented people that i know. even if they weren't i'd stay in the band for the group text messaging chains alone. humor is not something we have a sense of in this band... it's our first language.
yesterday kimberly schlapman from little big town filmed a pilot for a cooking show in our kitchen.
at 7:30 i got up to make a quick pot of coffee before the madness ensued and climbed right back into bed with my mug to catch up on some e-mails. around 8 o'clock the circus came to town. a dozen camera/lighting men, one loud new york woman, 3 giant boxes of cookware, and blonde curls for days came barging in and immediately started moving furniture out of the den and redecorating the kitchen.
in true megan fashion i met most of the crew in my pajamas: shorts, t-shirt, off the shoulder sweater, glasses, and a mess of bed head. i apologized to kimberly for walking around their office for the day looking like a homeless woman and she told me i looked "cute as pie". she's a good liar. that one poured right out of her mouth like melted butter.
her daughter, daisy, joined her to film the last bit of the segment. she said her daddy always says, "dessert before dinner". i think the schlapman's are my soulmates.
i left for the day and came home 8 hours later to a spotless house. the circus came and went like it was never there. not a stake left in the ground. only the smell of chicken pot pie in the air and a dangerous plate of sea salt brownies left on the counter. guess who had dessert before dinner tonight...?