meet mary susan. she is one of my favorite people on earth. well, at least she was yesterday. after her influence on my life today people's perception of me is about to drastically change. today she posted this to her blog and followed it up with the following texts:
the list goes on and on.
"what does 'faked' pictures at walgreens mean?", you ask? faked is my bennifer (ben+jennifer, as in affleck and lopez - you're welcome for that blast from the past) for "fake naked". FAKE+NAKED = FAKED. "ohhhh, i get it...", you think... "wait a minute.... this crazy b!$*h took fake naked pictures and brought them to walgreens to print?!?!?!?!"
yes. yes i did.
in my defense, i took the pictures with 4 other friends in the home of 2 different friends who were on vacation in europe for 10 days. the situation was begging for a practical joke. you can't leave us alone for 10 days with a spare key to your house and expect us to behave. or to not take fake naked pictures in your house, bring them to a walgreens located 30 minutes away from where we live in order to protect our identity when printing them, proudly display them in a red pleather photo album, and place them on your coffee table for you to find as a gift upon your return. you just can't.
i told mary susan that in place of any future birthday/baby/christmas/anniversary/canadian boxing day gifts i would start blogging a series entitled "i can't make this s*#t up". although i'm sure once this series is compiled into a book it will be called, "no one will ever love me because..."
i don't know how i attract this crap but i do. and, starting tomorrow when i have gathered the courage to share these ridiculous stories, it will be to your benefit.
i think i'll start with, "man losing his mcdonalds in ur gyno room". it's a gem.